Fat Girls and Feeders - Implications and Questions (and I'm on Twitter - so tweet me or something)

I was thinking about the documentary film I saw a few weeks back - Fat Girls and Feeders (easily found on Utube et al but recently shown on UK domestic TV) - or rather I wasn't until I came upon this old advert, top left.  Now I, for one, am definitely not into gross, morbid obesity.  But a few chubby pounds constrained by a well designed, firm girdle corset, corselette or other foundation garment, well, that's another thing.  And if those few extra pounds were gained at the whim of another and beyond the control of the young lady herself - better still if enforced by a little judicious application of the cane or strap - that's definitely a whole different ball game... Or is it?  Discuss!  

"A prisoner in her own body" was a quote used.  Another alluded to the control that came with having another under one's care.  "A prisoner of her own mind" was a line I used in one of my own books - and there is more than one comparison drawn between 'care' and control... not to mention dependency.  I am drawn to yet another quote, one I once read in the reader's letters pages of an addition of Janus magazine and alluding to an earlier photo story:  "... [eventually] becoming a slave to her corset".  A different kind of dependency, but one born of the young thing's dependency on another's - much stronger - personality.  Under such a circumstance the imposition of further elements of discipline and yes, the cane, tawse, or riding crop, seems a natural progression - but it's a chicken and egg situation; which comes first dependency, domination or the imposition of corporal punishment. 

Before I go: If you haven't already, you can now read a little missive I wrote recently in the latest edition of The Well Red Weekly  the semi-regular Ezine published by The Library of Spanking Fiction - full of interesting articles and food for thought.

Finally: You can now follow me on Twitter ( @toyntanen ).  I'm very new to the medium and frankly don't know what I'm doing, but I'm off out in a moment, planning to circulate around a few Wetherspoons pubs for to partake of a few of their fine ales on offer in their UK-wide bear festival.  For the first time I am going to be 'tweeting' (I think the term is) about my adventures - and also any spanking / D & S orientated ideas and notions that happen to pop into my head along the way.  So join in... 

And I've earned it!  I have abstained entirely for one month now - and I have completed the new book; I have put it up on LULU as a PDF download but that is all, thus far. as I have yet to come up with a cover for it.  When I have, I'll offer it to ANDREWS UK LTD who publish and distribute all my other stuff in ebook / epub formats. (Difficult to motivate myself, though, when I know Amazon rejected my last book's cover design - they didn't like the depiction of pharmaceuticals - pills and capsules or what ever - err... what about Valley of the Dolls by Jacqueline Susann?)          

A Glance at the Past: A Glimpse of the Future?

I know, I know!  It’s been a long, long time again.  But in my defense  I have been working on three projects at once, including finishing off the latest book.  The latter has been presenting a few problems regarding the ending.  It has now been proofread (Orage – you have done a marvelous job; many thanks!) and all corrections… well… corrected, I suppose. But the ending… the bloody ending!  Quite rightly, its plausibility has been questioned; but then again the entire tale is not particularly credible, having started life as a simple re-write of a piece I once read back in the 80s (the first spanking-orientated novel I ever purchased) redirected, expanded and extended to better fulfil my tastes.  From that starting point though – and mindful of such pseudo-factual works by Richard Manton /  R.T. Mason as ‘Whips Incorporated’ (about an1880s ‘chastising service’, Janus Magazine Issue 38, 1985, Gatisle Ltd) – it slowly developed a certain aspect of the supernatural, the premise being that the action takes place in early 60s Paddington (London) and within one of the two houses previously occupied by that self-same ‘chastising service’ from the late 1800s into the Edwardian era and along with certain specialized ‘original features’ something of the ‘atmosphere’ of the place has survived . 

But it is the ending where it all goes awry.  What the problem comes down to, at that point, is the impression it gives of the number of people involved.  Too many people involved smacks too much of some kind of wide-spread conspiracy – and such things are unlikely to go by unnoticed.  It is the same problem I have with those James Bond-type movies in which some implausibly-rich despot apparently has half a small nation in his pay as his work force / private army; and not a whisper leaks out, despite the fact that he is quietly hollowing out the local volcano (as one does) and presumably tying up every JCB in whichever hemisphere he has chosen to set up his bid for world domination.  Not that are actually very many characters involved in my particular ‘conspiracy’ at all; it’s just that it is all too easy for the reader to form that impression in the last few pages, and the risk then is that the illusion is shattered. 

It is particularly embarrassing in light of the fact that I was recently asked to write a piece for the spanking ezine, the Wellred Weekly (the electronic journal of the Library of Spanking Fiction (link in the right hand sidebar, under Useful Resources’.  And of course I chose to pontificate on the subject of ‘plausibility’ in spanking story writing…  It is so embarrassing that I am even considering publishing the thing under a different name!  My proof-reader has suggested a way out, which I’m considering (thanks yet again, Orage) but until then it’s all up in the air a bit. 

Mind you, I still have the cover to do, and I will want to try to recreate a street scene from the early 1960s, which wont be easy.  I have already been to the Paddington area - even to the address given in ‘Whips Incorporated’ (the house has gone – if it ever really existed) - and have taken a few shots of the right type of house and a couple of terraces of houses from the correct era or earlier.

Talking of travelling: Around three weeks ago I was privileged to meet the guy who has supplied many of the 3D computer renderings I have featured on this blog in the past, Snoozz!  I’m pushed for time today so I’ll tell you more next time – suffice it to say that many beers were imbibed (at least in my case – ha, ha!  But what can I say: I get nervous!).  Also on my travels (Muswell Hill, North London) I came across a magazine cover in a box of odds and sods outside a tiny antiques / bric-a-brac shop (I spent an entire 25p on it!).  Dated 1929, I had to rescue it from the rain, but what really caught my eye was the advert (top, left).  Very much of its time, it gives an insight into a era when a fine display of maids’ uniforms and domestic service apparel in a high street shop window was not an open invitation to fits of giggles, embarrassed half-glances or the knowing wink of an eye.  It’s a sensibility I can imagine returning as the economic system worsens, labour becomes cheaper, the chances of a young woman or school leaver gaining a roof over her head plummets and the gap between rich and poor widens.  When the hunger begins to gnaw, the icy spiked rains of the British winter begin to cut through to the bone and the shop doorways look less and less hospitable; that’s when the prospect of a live-in position will seem most attractive, whatever her prospective employer’s restrictions, stipulations and – yes, perhaps even the veiled mention of corporal punishment.

The keen-eyed among you may well recognize that company name, E & R Garrould, from what I have said in the past regarding that point in my life when I was for a few glorious, golden years (along with my wife of the time) involved in a ‘lifestyle’ relationship with a pretty-ish, if naïve young thing who my wife had taken under her wing following the girl’s dismissal from her live-in position as children’s nanny.  Having literally come straight from having left school, and not particularly intelligent nor known for her initiative, personally I still to this day think it incredible that she had been employed in such a role in the first place – but I guess that’s another story.

As regards that company:  A professional nursing magazine dated Dec 19098 stated “Nurses who are accustomed to [purchasing] their uniforms and nursing requisites at Messrs. Garrould's, 150, Edgware Road, W1, will find at the present time that the spacious Nursing Saloon is transformed into a Christmas Bazaar.”  Well, I’m not sure about any ‘spacious Nursing Saloon’ but I do know from my earliest recollections of passing Messrs. Garrould's premises  that up to at least the late 70s, if not the early 80s, it existed as a double fronted shop with large display windows either side of the glass-door entrance hall.  By the mid to late 1980s when my wife of the time and I marched our live-in plaything up the Edgware Road the shop had dwindled to shadow of its former self , consisting only of the smaller of its original two display windows and the associated floor space beyond.  Although the door was in the same place, the entrance hall was now shared with the doorway leading into another shop entirely.  It was later to disappear completely, leaving only the Alexandra Workwear outlets for our further forays with the hapless Penny (and they  too evaporated as the 90s wore on, having expanded rapidly through the 80s). 

I think the problem with E & R Garroulds was that stylistically their various uniforms - and especially their domestic service apparel – hadn't moved on; indeed there had been little change in many of their styles since the 70s, with some examples clearly dating back even earlier than that.  But that was exactly what had caught our collective eye – my ‘other half’ and I.  And yes, back in late 1987 we were still able to purchase for our charge the traditional black dress, a selection of broderie anglaise tea aprons, a cap and an Edwardian-style bib-apron which had a flounced trim running around its square-necked bib that was so broad it formed cap sleeves over the shoulders and which looked like the Tenniel illustrations of Alice in Wonderland.  All well and good for serving at table and for special occasions, but when it came to more everyday work around the home and general domestic duties (most of the time for our dear Penny) it was down to the Marble Arch and in to their more modern competitors, the aforementioned Alexandra Workwear, where a very fetching outfit was available, a button-through dress in some highly practical man-made fabric, lilac, the lower half a solid block of colour, the bodice striped lilac and white.  A striped lilac and white waist apron and striped cap completed the picture.  With the latter accessories put aside and a lilac button-through cardigan (purchases later elsewhere) worn over the top, we judged the dress perfectly wearable in the street or when out shopping; something which could not be said for any of the Garroulds offerings at the time, to be honest.

   

The other pics just show the advertisement in context and the magazine cover, the latter largely so as to ensure its conservation, even if only as an image.  So many prints, books and periodicals are disappearing as they are sliced up and their various picture plates and illustrations framed for sale in antiques and collectables emporia.  Actually it took a fair amount of fiddling around, as the page is larger than A4 and couldn't be fitted on my scanner, necessitating I scan it piecemeal and then piece it together afterwards on the computer.                 

A Caned and Confined Debutante? or What Can Be Got From a Picture?

Where, exactly does today's illustration come in to the scheme of things?  You may well ask – and I have no hard and fast answers; thank the Lord!  For the imagination is always far richer than reality, even if that 'reality' only exists in someone else’s imaginings.  What I mean is just look at it!  I'm well aware I have featured this print before, but let us devote a little time to its analysis – then with hope you'll see what it is about it that spawned all that has just gone before (above).

To start with:  What exactly is going on here - I mean beyond the obvious application of corporal punishment? What is here, what clues have we?  

There is a stern-looking woman dressed in what appears to be some sort of authoritarian-looking uniform holding what might be a wooden paddle (or a vanity mirror?).  

There is a half-naked, kneeling, bound female figure who is dressed in a very short shift and stockings, her bottom bared for punishment.  The latter’s hands and forearms are bound behind her back, presumably so that she cannot protect her bottom, and yet interestingly her ankles have been left free, suggesting an element of discipline by which she is obliged to keep position of her own accord.  

Finally, there is a woman dressed in high-fashion as if for a genteel soirée and looking about as out of place as it gets, a rope of pearls around her slender neck.  And yet she too is holding some form of correctional implement, making her very much part of the scenario despite her incongruous appearance given the background.

Then there is the dinner plate or perhaps shallow bowel.  That dinner plate - and the part it plays (or has played) in the proceedings - has always intrigued me; indeed for me it is what the picture is all about.  The artist has included it for some good reason; it clearly plays some important part in the story otherwise why put it in?  There is no need for anything to be included at that point in the illustration if the intention was to merely depict a young woman about to be -or having been – punished in the usual sense.  Yet the platter appears to be empty and has been drawn off-centre, as if having played its part it has been withdrawn from centre stage, yet has been left in view as a reminder of its importance.  

The first question I guess comes down to whether what is being depicted is something occurring within a domestic or institutional environment.  If the latter then the question comes down to: Is the establishment in question penal, scholastic (or even a medical or psychiatric) in nature.  All of this has a bearing on what might be going on, the identity of the participants and the role of that enigmatic dinner plate - and even possibly on whatever it may have held, or perhaps still holds indiscernible to the viewer.  

The latter - that there is something resting on the plate that the artist has chosen to leave invisible to the observer for some reason - is still a possibility, despite the object’s off-centre positioning.  What makes me think that maybe that is the case is the manner in which the girl's head is bowed while simultaneously twisting towards the lunch plate or whatever it is.  If she is being made to take something from the plate’s surface with her mouth, her hands and arms having been safely removed from the equation, then the plate having been placed off-centre in the manner depicted might make sense.  The plate having been placed in that position then obliges the girl to both twist and bend forward in order to reach its surface, leaving her bottom cheeks even more exposed to the fronds of the small whip the well-dressed woman is holding while of course simultaneously making the movement far harder for the girl to carry out.

The rough-hewn platform on which the subject is kneeling would not seem consistent with a domestic environment and no detail of the surroundings can be made out, although I for one find myself forming the impression that it is somewhere quite cramped and dark.  I find it difficult from the shadowing to identify the direction the scene is illuminated from.  The plate seems to possess a narrow ring of shadow running all the way round beneath its perimeter and the girl’s back seems nearly devoid of shadow other than beneath her forearms  Both these factors suggest to me that the scene is illuminated from directly above the girl's back, the light presumably coming from a lamp of some kind, with little or no natural light coming in obliquely, which in turn argues against there being a window present.   

None of these aspects totally rules out the drama being played out on the domestic stage, as it is quite possible that this scene is taking place in some segregated, perhaps especially arranged, area of a large house, but I think there is an argument suggesting that the circumstantial evidence leans towards some kind of institution.  And of course, if it is some form of institution, even if a penal institution, then if small and privately owned it might still exist within some enclosed area of a large private house or state.  You have to remember that this was an era devoid of any welfare system and when a large land owner might well take it upon his or herself, if charitably minded, to set up a workhouse or industrial school funded from his or her own pocket - for the finest philanthropic and charitable reasons, of course.

The uniformed woman could be taken for a governess employed in a large household, just about.  And yet her uniform with its black necktie and white-collar, blouse and long skirt looks a little too severe to my mind and more reminiscent of the uniform of a prison or reform school wardress of the era.  And again, the girl's arms being fastened behind her back in that manner somehow doesn't gel with me as the sort of approach a professional governess might have taken.  One would imagine any professional governess worth her salt would have used her strength of character, domineering personality and the application of discipline to make a girl keep her hands away from her bottom rather than fall back on physical restraint.  

Once again I think this argues for some kind of institutional scenario.  The only problem is the glaringly awkward presence of the well-dressed, well appointed woman.  If the scene were taking place someplace tucked away in a large house somewhere, then her presence might be more explainable.  I suppose that within an institution of some kind she might be one of the visiting Board of Governors or the chief warden or - if some form of reform school of reformatory - then perhaps the headmistress.  But even then, would she really be dressed like that, as if about to attend some high-class social ‘do’?  And would she be sullying herself by taking part in a punishment session herself.  The only explanation I can come up with is that she has some personal interest in the character about to go under her a whip - otherwise why not merely supervise, if supervision is the reason for her being there, while the wardress administers the punishment in the normal manner.  

I like the idea of the well-dressed woman being someone visiting - perhaps breaking her journey on her way to some big dinner or other social gathering - but I feel there is some more personal aspect to it than one of the governors giving the establishment the once over.  But then who she, why is she there, why is she so smartly dressed?  As in the case of the plate, there must be a good reason she has been drawn in that manner.  And of course we still have to explain the plate itself and how that might fit in.  

But imagine if, whoever this socialite woman actually is, the social gathering, or better still, dinner - given the presence of the plate - she is off to next is one the miscreant herself might have otherwise have been attending.  Perhaps it is a formal dinner appended to one of the more major debutant ‘coming-out’ balls of the season the well-dressed socialite is about to attend, a night that should have been one of the most important of the young lady's life, had she not stepped in some eighteen months or so previously to put an end to all that.  She greased some palms with silver then, and she has crossed others with silver since and now, as she does whenever she comes to visit.  But she begrudges that expense much less than drawing the cost of the debutant season with all its attendant ball gowns, hairstyling sessions and makeup artists from the girl's trust fund - she has other uses for that.   

Tonight’s is billed as one of the top five debutante balls of the world, and the second of the season.  But she won't be mean, she will share the experience.  She will be taking her notebook with her, sketching down notes of the latest styles and fashions; who was wearing what, who was wearing her hair in which style, which girl made the best entrance and who was dating who, that sort of thing.  She'll bring it with her next time she visits, read from it, regale the girl with so many vivid descriptions she will feel as if were there.  It is a shame that she can't be, but they wouldn't be able to be much with that hair anyway - too short for the latest piled-up styles… and so matted.  But then they have the girls work so long and hard in that work room - and you can expect them to leave hair brushes lying around in a place like this in any case, when they could be used to cause harm.  She’ll have a word with them before she goes; get them to cut it a little shorter for her.

Yes, she likes to keep her ward up to date on all the latest social chatter - it seems only fair, after all it is her trust fund that makes much of it possible these days, although much goes on paying for her keep too. But that is only as it should be; the fund was set aside for her education after all and they seem to be doing a good job; etiquette, deportment, manners, voice training, needlework, they covered it all here - and so much cheaper than one of those expensive Parisian academies.  In fact under such circumstances - if she hadn't written her ward’s committal record herself, in her own fair hand - it would be free, paid for by one of the church charities she was chairwoman for.  Yes it was sweetly ironic; Home for the Delinquent, the Destitute and Young Women in Moral Peril, it said on the signboard outside the gates.  Destitute – and yet her ward was not even the wealthiest in there; there were three such like her in total.

She'll bring her ward a piece of cake from tonight’s event too, with icing on, just like she did this visit from the first ball and dinner of the season.  Perhaps the girl will eat it without all this fuss the next time.  Why, she thought she'd be grateful for it after all those meals of oats steeped in fish-head stew.  Such a nice hunk of cake - expensive cake too, fit for a debutante’s ball, which is where it came from - and yet such distaste written all over that face, that pretty ski jump nose of hers wrinkling in distaste.  Such ungratefulness, it had to be punished, and she did eat it all up in the end anyway, every crumb - so why all the trials and tribulations among why?  Must have been something to do with what it had been marinated in after she had got it home…  If she didn't like that, perhaps next time she'd add a little something to the icing - perhaps re-do it altogether... 

First impressions are lasting impressions! Just a Few Strokes of the Cane in Preparation for the Doctor's Visit

I’m just back from Eastbourne where I’ve been all week and guess what?  My internet access is working and up to speed!  So I have been hunting around tumblr.com looking for some inspirational illustrations that might fit in with some stuff I started writing while away and perhaps offer a little extra inspiration, now that I don’t’ have the beer flooding through my veins.  I haven’t actually found any specifically dealing with the subject matter (which I may well elucidate next time, but suffice it to say it is something of a departure from my usual area and timeframe).  What I did come across though was this little gem on the left.  I'm not sure of it's origin but I believe it probably comes from a photo set, some others of which I have featured before.  

I found looking at it last night that in my minds eye I instantly saw the title or caption:  Just a few strokes of the cane in preparation for the doctor's visit.  And before I knew it whole string of ideas had sprung into my head, albeit pretty much along the lines of the sort of thing I have been interested in for years, primarily the idea of the ever extending incarceration, whereby a short period, perhaps triggered by some minor indiscretion, becomes either inadvertently or deliberately extended again and again.  That is what I liked about that story by imreadonly2 or whoever it was wrote it and posted it up in the comments to my last contribution.  The part where the most minor of infringements of the institution’s rules is doubly punished, not only by the application of corporal punishment but also by an additional month added to the sentence.  

In a similar vein I remember liking a certain reform school story I once come across that was set in the Victorian or Edwardian era, the upshot of which was that at the end of the young lady's original sentence she was recommitted right before the moment of release to serve again the entire sentence from scratch.  The particularly piquant punch line was that the order had been signed in advance, at the time of the original sentencing in fact, by the elderly judge concerned (citing incorrigible ill behaviour while in custody) simply because he found the girl attractive and knew she was a runaway. 

And her original crime?  Little more than over exuberance that had attracted the eye of a gentleman, and having sworn when approached.  That action had already been exaggerated into something sounding far more antisocial on the paperwork, giving an excuse to impose a sentence the severity of which went well beyond such a petty misdemeanour.  And of course having already been convicted of ' incorrigible ill behaviour while in custody' might not the door have then been opened for exactly the sort of stepwise extension of sentence outlined above.  Once inside those doors and with no one on the outside to step in on her behalf, one can well imagine her being condemned to serve her entire sentence perhaps a third time, or perhaps even more serious charges and offences being heaped on her; insubordination, troublemaking, corrupting others.  One might imagine her rejection of the old judge's advances or those of one of  his gentlemen friends - maybe even the gentleman instrumental in her original incarceration - being put down to some form of assault and a fresh and a far, far longer sentence being added on to her tariff, to run immediately after her present incarceration ends.  

Even her current incarceration may well at that point have been extended by two or three more months by way of penalties for various forms of disobedience and recalcitrance - and imagine how galling and crushing an additional month of imprisonment would be, perhaps awarded simply for some real or imaginary fault with the way in which she was wearing the reformatory uniform, or simply not curtsying low enough to one of the wardresses, or neglecting to thank that visiting gentleman for showing sufficient interest in her as to have been instrumental in removing her from the street to be thoroughly reformed.  

But all that would have paled into insignificance once something like assault had been added to her charges - now a tariff numbered in years could be added in, even if she did get past this second helping of her original sentence with its stumbling block of ever mounting penalties.  One can imagine that such an institution would have been extraordinarily strict when it came to discipline anyway, but one can also imagine the old judge with his influence encouraging the staff to crack down on this particular girl harder and harder (and perhaps others he might have had an interest in), encouraging them to watch for the tiniest fault, to punish with the strap and the cane mercilessly, to report every misdemeanour personally to him and his office, safe in the knowledge that another month's extension of her incarceration could and would be added with a simple stroke of the pen for something as seemingly innocuous as talking without permission or raising her eyes from the floor or failing to walk correctly with head bowed and hands crossed in front of her lap while being led with the other girls in single file to and from the workroom.  

One can imagine her trudging silently back to her cell within a silent crocodile of others after seventeen or eighteen solid hours sitting sewing or performing laundry work in the drab windowless workroom, dressed in the severe, high-collared and long-sleeved work frock, the uniform of the reformatory, with its widely flared but humiliatingly short skirt hem floating around and just above her knees -and this in an age when to show an ankle was to be daring.  And then she recognises a gentleman in a top hat and an older bearded man next to him - both of whom she knows only too well - standing outside the bars at the end of the corridor.  And the older man calls the wardress over, passing a piece of official looking paperwork through the bars, informing her that one of her charges has now been re-convicted and that her sentence ratified by the court in her absence.  And she hears it read out; and it is in years, not months.  And forgetting herself she calls out in dismay.  

Along with the sharp slap around the face from the second wardress bringing up the rear comes the realisation that along with the half-dozen strokes of the prison cane she will receive before bed that night she will also have earned herself yet another month's extension added on to her present sentence, and this coming only days since the last she had earned... Imagine the effect on her of the realisation at that point, then, that not only does she now have this new, far longer, term to serve hanging over her after her present sentence comes to an end but her present sentence is in effect going backwards, growling longer rather than shorter - it has become so that with every month she serves another two have been added in...

But I digress:  the real reason for this posting is the following (below) which is the actual train of thought that came into my mind looking at the above photograph so I might as well call it:  A  few strokes of the cane in preparation for the doctor's visit. Just to give it a title.  Of course it is not unconnected to the rambling above, in fact a similar principle applies, but attained in an entirely different manner and in a more up-to-date timeframe.  Here it is actually left to the girl herself to arrange for her own extension of stay - and in one manner or another she has little option but to comply.   

A few strokes of the cane in preparation for the doctor's visit.

The girl knows what to say, how to behave, what answers to give to all those probing questions.  She's been schooled in it, it's been drummed into her for weeks, if not months - she's even been given pamphlets to study, set essays to write over and over again so that when the time comes the required responses should fall parrot fashion from her lips.  Nevertheless a dozen or so strokes from matron’s cane - with the promise of twice that number to follow should she fail to co-operate - should serve as a timely reminder of the need for total compliance when it comes to matters pertaining to her care here.  But then again she is well aware of that fact; it has been a year now and from the very first day she has been subject to matron's discipline - and to matron's cane.  

In fact she received her very first caning, a good dozen hard strokes, within thirty minutes of arriving, held down across a desk by smiling young nurse grasping her wrists.  The reason then was having said she was well, having claimed she suffered none of the problems that had been reported when she had been brought in.  She learned then her first lesson: she was just not allowed to say she was ‘well’.  In fact she was not allowed to say anything at all, unless spoken to first, and then only in direct answer to questions, and only ever to staff members.  

The no-talking rule was one of the most strictly enforced stipulations they had - and one of the most difficult to abide by; she often had her face slapped by a nurse or felt the bite of matron's cane or strap in those early days and weeks for talking out of turn.  But it was not the very hardest stipulation they had.  That honour went to the rule they had about never making eye contact.  That rule had earned her many sessions over a desk under matron's cane or bent over her lap, her bottom dancing under the tattoo of a heavy leather strap, in those early days.  She had found it difficult locking herself away in her own little silent shell, but gradually it had become second nature.  Now she shuffled around never once taking her eyes off her shoes, let alone looking to the left and right.  

And that was a strange thing itself, nowadays, staring down at a pair of lace up school shoes in a place such as this.  The school uniform came along with the pamphlets and booklets she had to learn off by heart and the hours spent sitting at a cramped school desk set up facing the wall in the corner of matron's office poring over essays and line-writing impositions.  It had been set up there so she would remain under supervision.  And that was a difficult thing to deal with too, the close supervision.  The stipulation was; she was always to be within sight of a staff member.  She was accompanied everywhere, even to the toilet, watched closely, sometimes criticised and belittled while performing her ablutions, sometimes made to use a bedpan set up on a chair in front of a mirror while a nurse stood behind her with a clipboard recording the details and reading out loud what she was setting down on paper.

So many rules, so many stipulations, covering every tiny little detail of her existence, right down to the way in which she eats her food.  And all under the control of a woman who is a mistress of humiliation.  So now it’s been a year, and now finally her appraisal has come around, the doctor and board of governors will have assembled.  And so she writhes and sobs and cries under the kiss of matron’s cane while she waits to be sent for.  And yes, she has been well prepared.  And yes, she does dread a repeat visit with at least double the number awarded.  And she knows too that even if she doesn’t behave as rehearsed, even if she manages to pull herself back to something resembling normality, there will still be a holding period of a couple of months to review the various reports matron and her staff have posted, so matron will indeed have her way.  

If she reports her treatment, she knows only too well she will not be believed; it will be put down to ‘instability’ as it was last time.  That was what got her original six month period extended to a year in the first place.  It had also earned her an entire week of being caned three times a day, alternated with the same number of iced baths.  Then there had been some unknown period spent in a tiny white-painted room with nothing to hear but a constant regular tick, tick, tick coming from somewhere like a constantly dripping tap.  That had very nearly driven her insane – perhaps it would if there were a next time; and matron would have two months on her hands to make that possibility come true.

But on the other hand she knows that if she does as she has been trained, says the things she has been told to, recites the symptoms she has learned, displays the hand-wringing body language she has practiced, then in all likelihood she will be condemned to remain under supervision in this place for many years to come.  If she did a really good job then she might well end up proving herself ‘incurable’, as she has been trained to.  But then again, there is the dread of the cane – and all those other things matron can do to her.  The truth is the woman has got her completely and utterly under her thumb.  The best she can hope for is to go just far enough to not demonstrate defiance while hoping for another review date some time in the future.  But that would give matron another year, maybe two, to further prepare her.  

And matron has already done a good job:  The hand-wringing, twitches and facial ticks have become real enough now and hard to control - and the nervous stammer she has become inflicted with makes her all but unintelligible under stress.  So she will be let up in a moment, allowed to change out of that humiliating school uniform and back into hospital issue pyjamas…  She doesn’t know yet of the prior warning matron and her staff have sent to the panel regarding her ‘violent and abusive behaviour’, nor that she is to be presented to them in a straightjacket.  Matron thinks it a shame that the hand-wringing behaviour won’t be observable, but the facial ticks still will be, and she’ll still expect her protégé’s compliance when it comes to the questioning… But after all:  First impressions are lasting impressions

ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE DAYS: OR A GIRL FOLDING HER PRISON FROCK (again and again and again)

Just a snippet of something I have been working on - it is in a bit of a raw form but let me know what you think.  I can't say I'll answer anytime soon though; it all depends on the state of my home phone-line and so the availability / reliability of my internet connection.  And I could find nothing more apt nor better than my favoritest (is that a word?) ever illustration from my old pale Snoozz!  This one based on the old Roger Benson Reformatory series

........

It was another one of those days – they all were; they were all the same, give or take.  The bell had rung for bed, but she could no longer just thankfully divest herself of the sweaty nylon prison dress and reach for the rough hessian ankle length nightdress she had been issued with some time back.  Oh no.  She had been presented with a clean, new, pressed prison frock for ‘good behaviour’ - for which she was grateful, the other having become rank, crisp in parts from the build-up of grime, stains and filth and stinking.  But along with this new privilege had come a new stipulation.  

Now the rule was, whenever the ‘night bell’ rang she was to fold the prison uniform dress in the pristine, crisp manner it had arrived from the shop, manufacturer or dressmaker or wherever they had got the thing from and pass it back through the door slot for inspection before receiving her prison nightgown.  And woe betide her if it failed – there might be a night of the tape loop to look forward to, or a visit from the prison-weight cane or the kiss of the hazel switch across her bare buttocks, or indeed some combination.

This new imposition implied folding the Bri-nylon prison frock so as to appear as a dress shirt might in a shop display cabinet, as it had appeared when first it had been presented to her in its clear cellophane packaging.  It was a painstaking and tedious process:  Firstly all buttons had to be correctly refastened and any puckering, wrinkles or (God forbid) creases had to be smoothed out so that the frock was perfectly flat both front and back.  Then she had to find the imaginary ‘fold line’ running from the centre of the shoulder and ending at the skirt hem and fold inwards exactly one-third of the width of the garment each side.  

The next step was to make a preliminary fold of several inches of the skirt, just sufficient so that when the skirt was then folded up and back it would precisely match in length the upper half of the partially folded frock.  The rule was that, once folded back, the skirt hem had to end just behind the collar of the bodice while the two buttons at the front of the fabric belt at the waist (both fastened) faced forwards, the belt perfectly flat.  The substantial flare to the skirt made the latter manoeuvre the most difficult and fiddly to achieve, especially as all the relevant seams had to line up.  

Finally the long sleeves had to be folded around to the front, in such a manner as to display the buttoned cuffs to either side of the bodice's central row of buttons, the cuffs being positioned just below the breast pocket with its embroidered monogram of gold and red overlaid with a large '3' in bold black block thread.  The significance of the latter digit was presently beyond her, but she couldn't shake the feeling that there was something particularly sinister inherent in being 'numbered' in such a fashion.  This was especially so in face of the recent addition of the painted digits '1' to '3' to three of the four doors of an identical pattern leading off the cellar, such that her 'cell' door now sported a large black number '3'.

In all the ritual took many long minutes to get right, and throughout the ‘night bell’ would ring incessantly, stopping only when all stipulations were fulfilled.  It was prison (or reformatory, or indeed ‘reform school’ – the woman seemed to use the terms interchangeably these days) regulations.  And it had to be carried out in this counter-intuitive way, despite the fact that it would have made more sense to fold the skirt back first, prior to folding the garment longitudinally - and definitely prior to bringing the cuffs and sleeves to the front.  She was carefully scrutinised throughout to make sure.  She knew this from painful experience, from the one time she had been tempted to take a 'shortcut' – and had paid for it with a blazing behind, her chubby bottom set alight by a dozen or so landed with a length of finger-width rubber tubing of a type she had last seen supplying gas to the Bunsen burners in her late school's science room.

Yes, it was just one of those days alright!  One of those days when the scrutiny was particularly keen, those observing eyes especially vigilant and the supervision pedantically picky.  It must have been that because she'd gone without sleep completely before now, folding and refolding over and over to get it right, both the dress and the zip-fastening opening-back pantaloons she now had to wear beneath it.  Her fingers were experienced now, educated to the methods of easing out every crease, smoothing flat the perspiration-sleeked fabric, crisply folding along the correct seams and obsessively lining up one seam with the next.  The result nowadays did indeed resemble factory conveyor-belt output, albeit minus the cellophane wrapping, cardboard collar and cuff inserts and plastic clips – her product was all held together through the near-inhuman care lavished in the folding.  But even that perspiring attention to detail had come to nothing this time.  

She had no idea which of her captor's was responsible for overseeing her this time – usually nothing would be said unless she was to be caned for 'slovenliness', for which she would be removed from her cell – but whichever of her tormentors it was, she (he, for all she knew) was proving impossible to satisfy.  Twice now her efforts had been rejected, the garment – to her chagrin, apparently untouched - being wordlessly posted back through the door slot.  Each time she had had to re-dress – that was the rule – before again undressing, button by button, laying the dress out on the cell floor and refastening every button before going through the entire folding procedure from scratch.  

It had only been moments since she had posted her third - and final, another rule – attempt out through the shallow slot at the foot of the cell door, although it had seemed like an eternity to the girl shivering with trepidation.  Her blood froze in her veins at the first glimpse of bottle-green nylon sheen coming back through the letterbox style slot.  Not a word was spoken – it was unnecessary.  She knew to re-dress as quickly as possible in full prison uniform, to stand with hands down by her sides facing the door.  That would be that as far as this night (or day or whatever it was outside) was concerned – there would be no bed this night.  But there would be other consequences – perhaps the cane, perhaps... No!  No! No!...  The cane was infinitely preferable.  The cane did at least get her out of her cell.   But this... THIS... THIS...  

She knew what to do for this too, knew what was required of her.  As her 'aunt' said; she knew the words of that television theme well enough by now not to actually need them.  Aunty Governess Flora would supply the song, and she, Alison, could supply the words herself.  That was another of the new stipulations.  From somewhere a music-only tape had been acquired, a plink-plonk xylophone rendition of the theme to what had at one time been a fond childhood memory but had now become a phobia.  Worse, she was obliged to sing along, over and over.  There would be someone out there listening-in, checking, perhaps sporadically, perhaps continuously – there was no way of knowing.  There was also a second tape recorder, set to record, that could be checked – that much she had been told.  If she sang along, if she didn't falter, then eventually it would cease, she would be given some rest... if she faltered or refused, well then it would go on and on and on, a mental hell without end..

The first notes jingle-jangled out... the first words lisped from her lips, as childishly girlish as she had been taught, her hands clasped in front of her, fingers brushing her prison frock as she rung her hands in helpless anguish... “Andy Pandy's coming to play, la,la,la, laa,la la... Andy Pandy's here today, la, la, la, la..”  Tears running down pretty plump cheeks, a giggle or two spluttered out between the words... then the laughter began, then the sobbing... that was how it progressed, that was how it always went.  Still softly singing she sunk to her knees.  Absentmindedly her hand slipped under the buttoned skirt of her prison frock, her other beginning to kneed and massage a needy nipple thorough the slippery nylon fabric of the button-fronted bodice.  Rocking slowly back and forth to the mind-eradicating melody she began to masturbate, despite the fact she knew that satisfaction wouldn’t come, despite the fact that in so doing she was only reinforcing the mental block that was steadily building between herself and that blessed sweet relief.   It was just one of those days! 

Victorian Governance in the Modern World? - And an Excuse (Internet Woes Keeping Me Off the Air)

Sorry for the 'no-hear' but I have a major problem with  the home internet connection, a fault my phone-line provider - The UK Post Office - fails to find but which keeps knocking my router off-line.  I can update from my portable machine but only in the absence of any pictorial content (very boring).  I do have, it seems, some intermittent access today but little time to enjoy it.  I have to pick up and put down the phone several times every now and then to clear the fault temporarily.  Anyway, here is a pic I came across a while back when the thing was working ok - and then forgot about.  A suitably morose pair that I, in my fertile imagination, have decided are undergoing a prolonged period of Victorian Governance in the modern world, courtesy of some select private and highly secure institution or homeschooling set up somewhere well away from prying eyes.

It was this picture that has led me to re-titling the book I'm presently working on as: 'Victorian Governance In The World Of The Sixties'.   Now, there's food for thought, I'm sure you'll agree!  The pic is, I think, actually from the online catalogue of a company that makes and sells Victorian and Edwardian costumes.  

I've still got that pic of me with the Olympic torch to share with you, but I'll Probably put that up on Facebook  - I'll let you know.

Talk of a Girl - All Alone in the Doctor's Office

Can you believe I could have overlooked a blog called 'Disciplinary Tales'?  No, it doesn't seem possible, especially as it's been around since 2010.  I love the drawing from the magazine Roue used as the blog's banner (left) Just click the blog's title to visit.  

Talking of inspirational pictures painting all those words and all that.  A long time back (I think) someone sent me this one.  I have absolutely no idea who this woman is or where the photo is from so if it embarrasses or annoys anybody I'll of course take it down at once.  But...OMG!  Wouldn't she be the absolute model of our strict, domineering and somewhat less than entirely ethical clinical psychotherapist, Dr Anne Ecclestone.  Can't you just imagine her slinking around the department of experimental psychology, with her white doctor's coat flapping open over that outfit, perhaps leading some hapless bare-foot young thing in an open-backed hospital examination gown along by her painfully twisted ear?  Or perhaps sitting at her desk in her office, her white coat folded over the back of her chair and a silver nurse's fob watch pined over one breast, calmly yet firmly explaining yet again to the pretty young thing sitting opposite her the reason for her being put in those ugly leg calipers, fixing the girl's eyes on hers, forbidding her to look away with her commanding stare while forcefully reinforcing over and over all she has previously suggested about hysterical paralysis and weakness of the legs, smiling reassuringly as she watches the suggestion take root, the belief growing in the girl's eyes day on day.  And now, of course she reaches for the leather strap she keeps coiled her desk drawer.  The girl has been trying again to get by without her leg calipers; and it wont be the first time she has had to go across the doctor's knee for non-compliance with the protocols of her treatment.  She could refuse to flop down, drape herself across the doctor's lap and drop the bottoms of the ugly, shapeless green-striped hospital-issue pyjamas she is dressed - but she wont  Her medication would be stopped if she did that...And the doctor has got her on the most deliciously addictive sedative now...    .........................................................................................................................................

By the way - I saw the Olympic torch procession and then later one of the torchbearers, a sprightly old chap call Bill  who has apparently run in every London Marathon there has ever been, brought his torch into the pub I was in (The Tollgate, Turnpike Lane, North London) and I got a photo of me and him with it.  Hopefully I'll post it up soon here and on my Facebook account but it is on someone else's camera and that person is out of London until Monday...  Oh Bollocks!